I think what people say is that you have to reach your "rock bottom" in life, whether it be a massive crash in your life or just a little rough patch. This time last year I think I was at my rock bottom, it wasn't a massive crash but I was thinking about it today, just wasn't sure how to put it in to words really.. I was single, which to me isn't MASSIVELY depressing, but it is around Christmas time and it is when your last relationship really hurt you, and it's hard to get over something like that I think. Especially when it's your first for everything. I also was at a different college to all my friends, which was hard and looking back, it was this time last year that I started to feel more and more distant from them and closer to the people at college.. which was probably my fault actually. What I've realised is that people don't push me away, I push them away. I play the victim when I'm really not.. I could have tried, I could have put more effort in.. but I didn't. It's the same now, I've always been like it and its day like this when I sit down and I think, I'm actually not a nice person. And you know what, it is actually my fault and I'm not writing this post for sympathy or for people to tell me that I am a nice person because I'm not. Sometimes I argue with my boyfriend, Sam, and he's the most important person in my life, I tell him everything, I trust him with everything but sometimes I hurt him and I hate myself for it . I don't mean to, I just say the wrong thing a lot. And I think my new years resolution is to be a better person. Where am I going to get in life if I push the closest people away from me. I'm doing it right now at college, I get paranoid that my friends don't like me and I make things worse by almost cutting myself off from everyone. I think I'll get better :) xo